The title of the article is “Recipe for Cooking Husbands,” and it’s the kind of title that can’t be passed up. So here goes, from the 1974 Potpourri of Yesteryear:
“In selecting a husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance, as if buying mackerel, nor by the golden tint as if you wanted a salmon. Be sure to select him yourself as tastes differ. Do not go to market for him as the best are always brought to your door. It is far better to have none unless you will patiently learn how to cook him.”
“A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is the best, but, if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the required number of buttons and strings sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called ‘comfort’, as the one called ‘duty’ is apt to be weak. Make a clear, steady fire out of love, neatness and cheerfulness. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account.
“A little spice improves him, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently. You cannot fail to know when he is done.”
“If thus treated you will find him very relishable, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too hot a place.”